After discovering a new species of frog that looks like Kermit from The Muppet Show, a researcher in Costa Rica claims to have found additional frog species resembling other characters from the popular 1970s television series.
“When we found Hyalinobatrachium dianae, the Kermit frog, we honestly didn’t think it was a big deal,” said study leader Brian Kubicki of the Costa Rican Amphibian Research Center. “I mean, it’s a frog that looks like a puppet of a frog. Not that weird. Jim Henson wasn’t an idiot. He knew what frogs look like.”
It took researchers awhile to discover Hyalinobatrachium dianae because, though it looked like Kermit, it sounded “more like an insect than other frogs,” as Kubicki told CBS News.
Following that discovery, as Kubicki noted in an exclusive interview conducted after several libations, he heard something else nearby. “It made a high-pitched meeping sound,” Kubicki said. “Like, ‘mee-meee-mee.’ I looked up, and there in a tree branch was this pink frog in a lab coat. And it looked just like Beaker.”
In a nearby branch, the researcher also spied an unusual purple-blue frog with a long, hooked nose. “That’s right — it was a frog version of The Great Gonzo,” Kubicki said. “And that’s when I knew we’d found much more than a new species. We’d discovered a whole amphibious Muppet world!”
According to Kubicki, the Beaker and Gonzo frogs were then joined by several frog colleagues, and put on a highly entertaining show in the rainforest complete with skits, song-and-dance numbers, and a guest appearance by Paul Williams.
But Kubicki noted that this spectacle wasn’t enough to satisfy everyone. “I heard a bunch of disparaging comments that kept interrupting the show. I looked up, and there perched on a higher branch were a couple of frogs that looked just like Statler and Waldorf,” Kubicki said.
Kubicki was able to snap a photo of Hyalinobatrachium dianae. But he was unable to photograph the Beaker frog before it was blown up in a scientific experiment, or the Gonzo frog before it was shot into the distance by a cannon. “I guess the Statler and Waldorf frogs just left,” Kubicki said. “I mean, they really didn’t like the show.”
None of Kubicki’s colleagues at the Costa Rican Amphibian Research Center were able to verify his account of the other frog sightings.
“We can corroborate the existence of the new species of glass frog with white eyes like Kermit,” said fellow researcher Stanley Salazar. “I don’t know about the other stuff Brian was talking about. He’s been spending a lot of time alone in the rainforest lately.”
Undaunted, Kubicki continues to search for the remaining Muppet frogs. “I’m willing to bet there are others too, like a Fozzy, or a Rowlf the Frog,” Kubicki said. “Because I’m not crazy. I’m not!”
This satirical article attributes quotes to actual researchers Brian Kubicki and Stanley Salazar that are completely fictional.