I’ve seen a lot of strident words written recently about the 2013 Oscars ditty “We Saw Your Boobs,” agonizing over whether it was offensive or not. Some say it was misogynistic. Some say it was satirical. I see this disagreement as a sign the piece wasn’t written very well.
Was the song really that offensive? Probably not. Mind you, I’m basing this strictly on the fact that the main celebrities offended by it seemed to be Jane Fonda, who according to Mr. Skin has been nude in nine films, and Lena Dunham, who is relentlessly naked in her HBO series Girls.
For me, the Oscar-night comedy fell flat overall more because the ceremony should be an irreverent yet loving paean to the year in film. Jokes about Chris Brown and the Kardashians were irrelevant and unwelcome. And some of the movie references, like those in “We Saw Your Boobs,” were weirdly untimely.
Mentioning Jodie Foster’s nudity in The Accused? Meryl Streep’s in Silkwood? Those references were so dated, I felt like I was watching a Wayne LaPierre speech from a couple of months ago.
And if this was satire, it just didn’t seem to capture the zeitgeist. Because the real trend in the year of Magic Mike seems to be that of male actors increasingly being exploited for their bodies as much as women are.
It doesn’t seem fair to call out Kate Winslet’s nudity, while letting her Little Children co-star Patrick Wilson get off pants-free. Whether he’s in an award-winning drama or an acclaimed TV sitcom, that guy is virtually unclotheable. He must have been raised by wolves.
Wilson was even naked in Watchmen, a superhero film. That’s no easy feat. Even if you get angry and transform into a 30-foot green monster in a superhero movie, your pants usually stay on.
You can’t blame Patrick, though. There’s more pressure to show some skin as a guy in Hollywood than ever before. Remember when you could be a skinny teen idol, like Leo in Titanic? Those days are over. Today, you’ve got to work out like Taylor Lautner.
Remember when Roger Moore could just suck in his gut like he just drank a six-pack and everybody was cool with it? Today, you need to have a six-pack to play James Bond.
Remember back when an actor playing Sherlock Holmes could count on wearing several layers of tweed? Today, you’d better be ready for shirtless fisticuffs.
Does any of this matter? Probably not. It’s not like people wanting to see attractive people of either gender is anything new, or indicative of a sea change in sexual politics. The controversy’s pretty tame, anyway, when images far more explicit are just a mouse-click away.
And let’s face it: a pretty potent argument against sexism can be made simply by how profoundly Tina Fey and Amy Poehler killed it in hosting the Golden Globes. Particularly compared to MacFarlane’s tepid manatee-written performance. Things are looking up for women in Hollywood.
For men? I’m not so sure. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Philip Seymour Hoffman bow to the pressure to get a personal trainer really soon. I love his work. But let’s face it: those abs aren’t going to cut it for the pivotal shirtless scene in The Master 2: Lancaster’s Revenge.